It’s been 6 months since I updated this blog. And, I’m still childless. In my last post, I had mentioned that we were contemplating IVF. But I was in 2 minds about it for the longest time. Finally in August this year, my husband and I went to my parents’ city, consulted an andrologist and a couple of IVF specialists and decided to finalise the doctors and center for our treatment.
I came back and we decided to begin our treatment in November this year, so, the doctor chalked up dates for us and asked me to begin taking the OCP Ovral -L from the 2nd day of my period and stop it around 30th October. I was to meet her on the 2nd day of my period that would fall around 5th November, and then I would be given injections to stimulate my follicles for the next 10 days and my egg retrieval and my husband’s PESA (sperm retrieval) would take place around 16th November.
But unfortunately, disaster happened. I began spotting mid-cycle while on the pill and the bleeding is still going on for the 5th day today. In between, I was advised to go for a scan to determine the size of my biggest follicle and the thickness of my endometrial lining which was 13 mm and 6mm respectively. The doctor said that taking Ovral prevents contraception , so, ideally the follicle shouldn’t be more than 10 mm but the endometrial lining is still thick, which indicates a proper period hasn’t begun yet.
But, my mood was dampened greatly. I continued the pill till yesterday, the doctor told me to take a scan of endometrial lining again, and if it has thinned we can be certain that a period has started. The doctors told me it was impossible to experience bleeding unless I had missed a pill in between, but I’m dead certain I had not. I would religiously take them between 12 to 1 every night. I even counted on my strip dozens of times just to be sure.
Deep in my heart, I know that even if I continue the pills till the end of this month, the next withdrawal bleed is unlikely to be a proper period,so, I have decided to stop the pill from today. If we’re going to bear so much pain and inconvenience and spend so much money to undergo this treatment, it would be better that we do so when all conditions are favourable from the beginning. I mentioned my concerns to the doctor, so she told me I should get a second scan only if I want to go ahead with the treatment as scheduled. But, I have decided to let my body calm down for a while and begin my treatment in January next year as there are some family weddings in December.
I’m deeply disappointed as I had mentally prepared myself to begin treatment next month. I don’t know what explanation to give except that it is God’s will . Maybe He has something better planned for us. I had been praying the Istikhaara prayer since the last 3 months. That’s a prayer where you ask God to guide you towards the right sort of action concerning a deed. If there’s good for you, God eases the way for you and if there’s harm in that, God closes the door towards the path.
Besides that, I have been praying Salatul Hajat or the Prayer of Need for pious and healthy offspring since the last 3 years, perhaps even more, I’m not sure. I’ve done many wazifas and supplications for the same.
I have been hoping God blesses me with a miracle and I’m able to conceive naturally, hence, I spent many years waiting. 4 years back, my AMH level (which indicates the ferility and ovarian reserve of a woman) was 6 , last year it was 4 and the test I took last month showed it’s dropped to 2.5. With age, it drops, so, I felt it wasn’t wise to waste time any longer and I should proceed with the treatment.
A scholar who had visited us a year back had even made an online recording of Islamic formula to have a baby after he learnt how we were struggling with infertility. In his lecture today, he mentioned that more than 10 people had contacted him and informed of their successful pregnancy/ good news after implementing what he’d mentioned. Unfortunately, we haven’t been successful so far even though we follow his advice religiously.
It just breaks my heart into a million pieces when I learn of women who manage to conceive so easily within a month or two of marriage whereas we have not only been struggling since ages , but I’ve also been praying like a desperado.I think people assume I’m childless because my prayers are not sincere enough because the call of the sincere always gets heard.
Well, God alone is my judge of my faith in Him and I believe He won’t let me down.